Rahul Gandhi’s Revolutionary Idea & a Pre-Paid Guarantee of Congress

KS Muralidharan

Congress leader Rahul Gandhi’s revolutionary wealth redistribution idea is actually an idea whose time came about a century ago during the time of Karl Marx and died around three decades back with the collapse of the USSR, the original citadel of communism.

Still, the Gandhi scion believes that this idea which has been dead, buried and cremated decades ago the world over, is uber-fresh enough to send Modi packing in the Lok Sabha elections.

At the outset, Rahul Gandhi came out with his X-Ray report on the country under Modi, according to which, 90% of the people, he explicitly specified as Dalits, OBCs, SC/STs, Minorities, have suffered injustice. The solution according to him is to redistribute wealth on the basis of the corresponding population of each community.

On a closer scrutiny, you will find that he left out the upper castes. Wait before you jump to any conclusion. Since he bracketed all other communities under the 90% who suffered injustice under Modi, it means that the remaining 10% are the upper castes and by inference, also those who did not suffer any injustice under Modi!

Now, if you belong to the upper castes, you must rejoice and be truly grateful to Rahul Gandhi. Why? Because, your wealth will not be redistributed as firstly, you are excluded from the A-list, and secondly, you are not a victim of any injustice!

It has to be admitted that Rahul Gandhi’s idea has all the makings of a get-rich-quick scheme for well, all of 125 crore Indians. It will be the biggest ever get-rich-quick scheme the world has ever witnessed in recorded history. Too grand an idea even for Grandmaster, Modi.

The day after Modi is defeated and Rahul Gandhi is sworn in as PM, most of us will become millionaires overnight! India will then probably have the richest poor in the world!

Too good to believe, to be honest. But Rahul Gandhi can convince us of the power of his idea if he does the following immediately:

Redistribute the wealth of all the non-upper caste MPs/MLAs of his party immediately and transfer it to the people in their respective constituencies on the basis of their caste and community.

This will be much, much bigger than the Congress party’s much-touted Guarantees. In fact, it will be a Pre-Paid Guarantee. And who can resist this?

If voters are vulnerable to free bus rides, free power, free X-rays and Surveys, they will be sworn to you for life when you make them instant lakhpatis, with promise of more to come, once the party comes to power. Rahul Gandhi will be PM not just in 2024 but at least till there is no wealth left to redistribute!

Since Rahul Gandhi is desperate to hog the limelight from Narendra Modi, he can launch this Pre-paid Guarantee by also donating all the wealth owned by the Gandhis to the people of their constituency, Rae Bareilly (of Sonia Gandhi) and Wayanad (his own constituency).

Actually, Rahul Gandhi need not donate his wealth going by his own revolutionary hypothesis, for he is an upper caste janeru Brahmin, but then, the Gandhis are an exception, and frankly, the only way to defeat Modi is to give it all and go for broke, so help you god.

Now, if and when Congress comes to power, all the non-upper caste communities will have to gear up for their wealth being redistributed.

Some clear pointers of this revolutionary idea can be imagined:

Many of Reliance employees will become millionaires overnight and Ambani’s fate is best reimagined…

Ditto Adani. Tata. Birla. And Alpha, Beta, Gama and all the 25 crorepatis who have benefited under Modi according to Rahul Gandhi.

The top 1% of the taxpayers will have to line up for doles under MNREGA.

You may possibly switch places with your maid. The roles will be reversed. You may even lose your job to someone who is more entitled than you, but you can still work as a driver to drive that person to work, in your car, which is now his. Or walk his dog, which was till the other day, yours.

Already, there is a sense of excitement around many high-end apartment blocks, according to the political grapevine. A bystander was seen fondly looking at the Prestige Meadows apartment in Whitefield. Maybe he was torn between choosing a 6-bedroom Villa and a 4-bed apartment, in the future when Rahul becomes PM.

Unconfirmed sources reported instances of a few unwashed masses from the downtown area nearby eying UB City in central Bengaluru district.

Rumours swirled around in Mumbai about the Ambanis and Adanis doing a detour of the Dharavi slum. Maybe they were choosing the best jhopdi in town.

Karl Marx must surely be cursing his fate in his grave, for having weaklings like Lenin and Stalin and not someone like Rahul Gandhi as his heir-apparent.